Overwhelming feeling of contradiction

It seems these things (blogs) are self-serving and ego-centric. With that said, I'm going to do what every good blogger does, and talk about myself.

I had an overwhelming feeling of contradiction tonight. Spring Break is supposed to be a break from school and time for relief. That was quite the contrary. I did have a break from school and life, but the time I spent on my break was devoted to me reflecting on my actions of the last month and how selfish I've been. Not only that, but I haven't been myself. I can try to find an excuse, but I can't.

In the most un-depressed way possible, I feel like trash. I don't know what I've done to catalyze these emotions and thoughts, but my ways become more errant with each day.

And I apologize those who read and find my writings to be rather bleak, but it seems everytime I write, it seems to be in the middle of an intense emotion. I'll try to fix that.

i have to write about something.................



for two nights i've laid sleepless in my bed, i felt like had to write about something, but my mind is blank.....



i've had a blank mind for two days now.


Has your face ever burned because of embarrassment? Or because you KNOW everyone is looking at you? My face burnt twice this week....


I feel compelled to discuss how I cheated the system today....


I snuk in an can of dr. pepper and taco bell into the library today. I think I've decided on what I will do as a hobby now: stick it to the library, and practice to become an european soccer player.


I love cracking open canned drink in the huge reading room of the library. The loud noise makes everyone looks at you, and you turn red because you're embarrassed. But you love the feeling because you know that you just broke the rules, and everyone else knows it too.

Long story short, I don't feel like a renegade. I get paranoid that one of the librarians will catch me and make me throw my drink out. So I hide my drink, and I burn quietly in my chair...

Second story about how my face burnt. I finally realized that I'm "that kid" in my Consumer Behavior class. No one sits by me. Literally. I noticed this phenomena earlier in the week when people that are my friends in class moved away from me and started sitting on the other side of the room. Same with everyone else. The row behind me is empty and so is the row in front me. I have five chairs separating me from the next person on my row. I realized my face burnt after I told a third lame story about my grandmother in class. Not the third story about my grandmother, but just my third story in class that mentioned my grandmother for the first time. Get it? Anway, I think there's a limit to how many questions you can answer and how many times you can talk in a college class. And I definetly crossed that boundry on Friday. When I realized how I had crossed the threshold into "annoying kid in class-dom" I immediately sat in my chair, and burnt....